December Already….

It’s December already! We’ve almost made it through another full year. When I observe my life from this December to last December…….well there are situations I would have approached in a more mature way. Time has a way of teaching us to learn from our inaccurate choices and decisions. On occasion, it is a difficult task to stare at yourself in the mirror and say without any pride, haughtiness , or justification that yes….I’ve erred and  have to live with that.

This year flew by….lightning fast. I moved out of state and back, gone through a slight mental breakdown, found love, misplaced love,  found love again….and relentlessly fought my inner demons. This inner darkness has taken hold of me lately and I’ve been stuck in it’s clutches for a while now. Desiring to be happy, but this darkness continues to take me under. I almost feel weak for not being able to defeat this long time enemy of mine. I know I can….it’s just proven to be a more daunting task than I realized initially. For some reason the part of me that I want to die has gotten stronger and the goodness has become weaker. The part of me that wants to fight, that wants love and to give love has become feeble and almost impossible to see. The darkness has grown and consumed me. I’m to blame…I mean I did feed it. I fed it negativity for breakfast, lunch, dinner & late night snack.

Not into the “New Years Resolution” thing for a number of reasons, so this is not really about it being a new year. It’s about change…about me making a real transformation to the woman that I know I can be. I’ll let the repugnant part of me die off as the foliage this winter. I won’t wallow in the darkness and wait for the light to come. I have to turn on the light……..

First snow fall of the year !

 

To be continued……

Advertisements

9 Comments Add yours

  1. Tareau Barron says:

    We are glad that you are in a better place.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Idle Muser says:

    That’s how you take it girl. 🙂
    You take the charge of your life in your hands. You don’t wait for others to bring light for you, but you yourself do it for only you can save yourself from you.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Beautifully put! Yup that’s what I’m trying to do. Save me from myself. No one can do it for me

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Idle Muser says:

        And I am sure you would do it, no matter how difficult it becomes.😊

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I feel you. I like your point about owning up to one’s shortcomings without pride. That is powerful beyond comprehension, as so many people are caught up in stages of denial so real transformation can never take place. I am glad you realize that New Year’s Resolutions are unnecessary – as we can make those changes at anytime, not simply because it is 12:01 on January 1st.

    I am glad to see you are taking control over your emotional well-being =D

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Its unfortunate that some people get to a certain age and become complacent..full of negative energy. And they expect others to just take it like a grain of salt smh. It took courage for her to make to post, it shows she’s willing to make a change. Motivation!

      Liked by 2 people

  4. Self reflection is always the best! I’m happy for you and sending you all of the positive vibrations through this text! You got this! 💗💗💗💗💗

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s