Where’s the Rewind button again? 

Where’s the rewind button for life? I really wish there were one. I have major regrets from the past 9 years of my life. So many things I can’t patch up at this point. It just is what it is……should be water under the bridge, but that’s what it’s not. My tiny, 5 foot 100lbs body can’t hold the weight. There are times I feel like I’m literally drowning….being forced & held down. I just want out. I want to be free. 

I have a tendency to beat myself up too much for mistakes or learning experiences. I’m my biggest critic! I have a difficult time letting myself off the hook for past faults. 

I have to give myself the opportunity to err without thinking and behaving like it’s the end of my existence. I have to learn to move forward without lingering too long on how things could’ve been. We’re all dealt a hand….some good, some bad, but more often than not I’m playing my hand wrong. Alicia Meyers said, “if you play your cards right everything’s gonna be alright!….I think that’s kinda true. 

I feel like I could’ve been so much farther in life if it wasn’t for certain cards I was dealt and nobody having my back at that point in life. I have to stop ✋🏾 comparing my life with others also cause often they are not comparable. I find myself in the past or the future in my mind when I should be in the present. I can’t change anything in the past nor predict the future…….

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16 Comments Add yours

  1. Idle Muser says:

    It’s not only you, but each and every person around you must have done done something really regretful in his/her past, which cannot be changed now. And I firmly believe that God make us go through only those experiences which are important for us to be undergone. Until and unless we learn from our experiences, they will keep on revolving around us.
    So, I would say don’t linger over your past, but try to see it from some other perspective. It would be tough, but it’s worth all your efforts.
    Be positive. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Omg indeed! I’ve had several experiences that kept coming up until I got it. It’s definitely beneficial to get it the first time around. Life is full of lessons. Thanks for commenting Aditi 😊

      Like

  2. Tareau Barron says:

    Have you tried developing a mentality where you have small mental wins? Let’s say if you’re mind does start to compare yourself to other people and you could probably say “Well she may have all those things but at least I have this, or at least I have that” In this war of life we must celebrate small victories even if others might feel that they are insignificant or petty. We can’t control how powerful our mind is so we must condition it when it takes over certain emotions. Also if you’re feeling weighed down have you have something that can free you up? For instance, both of my twin son’s are autistic, and when they feel overwhelmed or weighed down or over stimulated, they take off their shirts and they swaddle themselves in blankets or they need all the lights off to kind of recalibrate themselves. There is something to make you feel like you’re n9t being weighed down, you just have to find it and we know you will. Thanks for sharing your strengths and weaknesses. Take care

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thanks for commenting Tareau! I do have those days where I have those small wins in my mind. Not as often as I probably should. Conditioning is a great way to put it. Your boys have found a way to soothe themselves. I just have to find that thing that helps. I may even try the blanket thing. I like to be wrapped up under the cover sometimes 😊💪🏾

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Tareau Barron says:

        Anything helps sista. It could be the most frivolous thing. Wearing a different hat, lighting, a different candle etc you will find it

        Liked by 2 people

  3. I feel what you are saying. The things you regret in life – have you tried to undo them or work towards making them “right”?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Some of my errors can’t be fixed. They were lessons learned or should be. One of the things I’m trying to make right is going back to school. I have a BA in Psych but I don’t necessary desire to work in that field. I’m beginning to think I’m a more hands on creative individual. I just found out late 🙄 but I’ll figure it out

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I have a BA in Psych too. I don’t really wanna work in that field either. It is good you are realizing what you really want to do.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Oh really!? Yea, I’ve worked in a few places since earning my degree and yea I don’t wanna really work in that field. How long before you knew you didn’t want to work in the field?

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I knew as I was working on that degree, honestly. But I was so close to the finish line of graduating that I just had to roll with it. I worked in the field for about six months and realized it wasn’t for me. So I went back to school and got another degree, and hopefully that opens up more opportunities

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Ok, cool. I think I kinda knew also. I was just determined to succeed at it I suppose.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. K E Garland says:

    Hey luv! I don’t want to give any more advice. Sounds like these guys ^^^ have your back with some great words. I do want to offer this thought. There are no mistakes in life. Wherever you were is exactly where you were supposed to be. Likewise, wherever you are is exactly where you ARE supposed to be. Create a new life by choosing new steps, and I’m sure you’ll be satisfied with your life. Okay, maybe I did give a little advice lol Be well ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lol! Just a lil….its appreciated. Thank you for reading.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. DamagedGoods says:

    Sometimes listening to others pain and confusion is a comfort because I dont feel like I am crazy when it comes to my (Over thinking) and not quite being able to let go of the past. My mother and I had a very toxic past but she cant hurt me now (a least not the same way) but when I tried to let it go she walked past me and my skin actually crawled, I thought that was just an expression but I truly felt my skin and nervous system do a dance that I had never studied. I am about to launch a book that shares the fact that although I was dealt a shitty hand I also was an HIV positive prostitute and that is something that kills me but addiction made me rationalize. Try to be nice to yourself because the world can be brutal and you don’t have to pick up where it left off ..

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you 😊 for taking the time to read and comment. It’s good to hear from you. Listening to others definitely comforts me. Your blogs for example….some speak to my feelings almost exactly.

      Liked by 1 person

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