The Doctor Visit

* Warning*   *Tirade*   * Explicit content used*

 I am by no means fond of physicians, hospitals, psychiatrist etc. I have not always been like that. Doctor’s visits seemed  fun and exciting  as a child. As an adult I believe many of them are full of it or don’t know what they are talking about. Just because a doctor says, I’m not the one to believe immediately.

Majority of my life I have always had insurance through my parents or my own jobs. Well, right now that is not the case! I have some medical card or whatever. I’ve witnessed people get decent assistance with this. I use to even think when I was working….I shouldn’t even pay for insurance.

Lately I have been experiencing heightened anxiety, probably due to a few changes recently. I decided to make an appointment because I am or was considering medication. I wanted something I did not have to take each and everyday . Maybe something like a benzodiazepine that I could possibly take as needed. At this particular facility I was told I’d have to see a general physician to be refereed to a psychiatrist. Cool with me ….I understand there are processes. Even though I hadn’t gone through this with my insurance in the past. *sidenote -I requested a Black female doctor* *rolls my fucking eyes so hard* I thought I’d feel more comfortable and all of that type of stuff. I had to be like her first patient. It was 8:20am. She seemed very uninterested. Asked some questions about my anxiety. Blah blah. Basically she ended up giving me a referral to the behavioral health clinic within their facility. She also wants to send me to a lab for blood work. As I am asking this lady about the blood work she answers my questions very vaguely. I have to prod for info. I am not fond of getting blood drawn…cause half the time they just do it to do it, I feel. She gives me the paperwork and such and I attempt to make an appointment. As I am doing so with the registration person she says that basically they only have counseling here.  I explain to her that was one of my two reasons for the visit. She goes back  to speak with the doctor. This _______ , lots of words I could fill in that blank with. She tells her that there has to be an outside referral. I’m thinking like….ok how do I get that. Shouldn’t she have given that to me??!


I am aggravated by this time. My patience is shot and I feel slighted!!!! Like don’t play with me or my intelligence. So, I basically leave the facility cause I’m like fuck it. Then I go back in….a lil teary eyed cause I’m pissed and rageful. I have to be careful when I am like this. There have been occasions where I ended up in handcuffs/jail for acting on emotions. As I walk back to the desk I take a deep breath and politely tell the same young lady that I need to get a referral, that is why I came here. She took me to some social workers office. Anywho, I got the damn referral! Did it really take all that!!??? Why the ________ just couldn’t give it to me? I have a history of mental illness and the clinic is associated with a hospital I use to go to. I know they could’ve gotten a hold to some records if that was questionable and she just thought I wanted meds. IDK what the _______ problem was. The social worker even asked if the doctor gave me pushback….I was taken aback for a second. Like wait, this lady did do that…but I tried to word it better. ( being passive)  I shouldn’t have though. But I think the social worker knows still.

I also had another issue I went in for and the ________ just glossed over that too. I’m like I could’ve stayed home and finished my crochet projects. *shrugs shoulders* I just felt still feel angry about this situation. Like how do you treat people coming in for medical care like that?! Trifling as ever!! But I am happy I did not explode while I was there. I now have experienced what I’ve heard here and there about how people are treated without insurance. Well, anyways I plan to work part time somewhere soon once I feel a little better. I will NOT have people treating me like shit because I don’t have insurance. Or I just won’t go to doctor because it could turn ugly next time and I am in no position to act a fool and get in any situations. I just want to be at peace. Why can’t folks act right and cooperate…do their jobs, act human and such.








11 Comments Add yours

  1. I’m sorry you had to go through this. It is a shame people with no insurance get subpar treatment. I agree that we should not have to pay for insurance. It should be a human right.

    It is good you stepped outside for a bit to collect your thoughts more. I hope things work out for you.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks Darryl! Yea, I was literally confused for a second. Yes, I am so happy I stepped outside for a breather. Taking a few steps and some fresh air can save one’s life. LBS!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Real talk! Lol! I was watching a Deon Cole comedy act yesterday and he said black people always have to “manage their blackness” to avoid trouble in this world lol

        Liked by 2 people

      2. I just made an outburst of laughter! LOL! I’ve a similar statement before somewhere. I don’t think I’m familiar with Deon Cole. I’ll have to look him up. Which act were you watching?

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Its from his 2016 special. Here is the link:

        The managing blackness part starts at roughly 7:35. Laughter heals the soul my Mama always says.. It’ll make you feel better =)

        Liked by 1 person

      4. I feel you! For sure it does! Thanks for the link

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Tareau Barron says:

    I’m with you all the way on this one sista. Our health care in America sucks. Why do we need to feel victimize when asking about our own health? Why do people that work in that industry have terrible bedside matter? Why don’t doctors tell us right then and there if something is wrong instead of referring us to someone else? There’s alot of theories behind this but I’m old skool so fuck it I’ll say it: you do the job that you signed up for. No one is forcing this medical assistance, nurses, therapists etc by to do their job. If you don’t like dealing with people, quit. Find something else. As far as your anxiety and mental health, those things are what makes us human. I’m happy that you are working on it and take it from a person (myself) who has anger problems, I commend you for removing yourself and having the strength to go back to that stupid lady. πŸ‘πŸ‘. Keep it up and thank you for sharing your trials and tribulations with us.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Exactly! Thanks for reading and understanding. I hate some doctors bedside manner. I mean it’s so terrible sometimes. I’m glad I was able too remove myself and come back too πŸ˜…

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Idle Muser says:

    I wish it was more of a decent experience than this ill one.
    But one thing has definitely improved in you, i.e. your resistance to react in such situations. It will definitely help you. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for reading! I definitely had to resist and stay calm.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Idle Muser says:

        Yes absolutely. One should not give his/her remote control in anybody else’s hand, and I’m glad you didn’t too.☺

        Liked by 2 people

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