Almost 30 and my life is in disarray. I want children and a family, but it’s not looking too good. When most people my age are finishing grad school, getting married, or having babies at this point. However, I’m still emotionally unstable. Attempting to figure out how to live a balanced life. Trying to live anxiety and depression free.
I can’t build a family like this. My significant other has two young girls. I’m sure he doesn’t want me living with them the way I am now. I get angry with myself for being so screwed up as an adult woman. It makes me mad to the point of rage at times. When you have to look in the mirror and know that you haven’t amounted to being a woman for real. Yes, I’m of age…but what makes a woman a woman? Well, that I don’t have.
I’m not sure how long it will take me to get on the right track. What I do know is it won’t happen over night. It may even take years.
I’m gravitating towards erasing family building from my goals. I’m happier alone most times anyway. When I’m around other people things can quickly turn chaotic, especially in a relationship. I’m not sure how to overcome these emotional hardships. What I do know is that I keep doing my best and it’s not good enough. My mood is pretty unbearable and I guess I’m going to get some alcohol as relief. It works for me sometimes…..not the best idea though.