Ever since I was a preteen or maybe even before, I was warned about the three Fs by my grandmother( who’s been married over 30 years). You know the three Fs that boys engage in. Find you, F*** you, and Forget you….for those that don’t know. At that time it all sounded like nonsense to me, it kinda still does actually. At least I won’t be teaching my little girl that ( if I have one lol). They may get some variation of this information, but not in the same format. I just never accepted that every ” boy” was the same. It did not make much sense to me. I know that to some extent this is somewhat true though. I’m sure some of you ladies or gents may have similar experiences with advice or lessons parental figures gave you.
I feel like many young women are groomed into this type of thinking about Black men that is unhealthy and detrimental to the Black family as a whole. This type of thinking extends far beyond the three Fs. This type of thinking can lead to a women thinking negatively about men from the jump.
There is also this narrative that there is no one to raise the Black man because there are no fathers in the home. This may be true for many. Nonetheless, my eyebrows raise when this statement is only connected with our brothers. In my opinion, there is no one raising the women either!!! I know some of you won’t like this nor agree. We have women that are still little girls, (technically) half assed raising children. There is an absence of communication in many homes. If a young lady is not taught how to be a woman or how to treat her man…how the hell is she going to figure it out?? I guess by trial and error, but this is part of our community being in turmoil. People always hollerin’ there are no fathers in the home blah, blah, blah & blah. Females face the same struggles, but our obstacles come in various forms.
If there were more mothers in our homes we would know how to cook, clean, parent, communicate, love, show affection and trust each other better. What young women often pick up from there mothers are negative traits that I won’t discuss right now. Unfortunately, I’m sure you can think of many examples. I feel that placing the blame on our men only is an issue. Many are raised by single women and when they mess up we come down hard on them.We complain about them going to more docile and submissive women whether they be of another ethnicity or not. We look down on other women for being caring to their man. Why shouldn’t we be good to a man if he is good to us?? These are more behaviors young ladies learn from older women in their family or hear from various people. In turn, when that woman grows up she has no clue how to treat a decent man. Women will say they want a good man, but are you a good woman? What are you bringing to the table….and I don’t mean financially.
Without a doubt raising a young man alone is a difficult task. In this situation women are still responsible for the upbringing of the child. If it goes left….it is the person’s fault that raised them. Although, it is not fair to say it is her fault all her own. It is a cycle! The Black family has been being torn apart for hundreds of years and it has not stopped. We need to be aware of this, see what is happening to us and our offspring and put in the work to build our families. No matter how daunting a task it may be. I don’t have all the answers, I figure that’s a start.