Teaching Our Women to Love Our Men

pexels-photo-largeEver since I was a preteen or maybe even before, I was warned about the three Fs by my grandmother( who’s been married over 30 years). You know the three Fs that boys engage in. Find you, F*** you, and Forget you….for those that don’t know.  At that time it all sounded like nonsense to me, it kinda still does actually. At least I won’t be teaching my little girl that ( if I have one lol). They may get some variation of this information, but not in the same format. I just never accepted that every ” boy” was the same.  It did not make much sense to me. I know that to some extent this is somewhat true though. I’m sure some of you ladies or gents may have similar experiences with advice or lessons parental figures gave you.

I feel like many young women are groomed into this type of thinking about Black men that is unhealthy and detrimental to the Black family as a whole. This type of thinking extends far beyond the three Fs. This type of thinking can lead to a  women thinking negatively about men from the jump.

There is also this narrative that there is no one to raise the Black man because there are no fathers in the home. This may be true for many. Nonetheless, my eyebrows raise when this statement is only connected with our brothers. In my opinion, there is no one raising the women either!!! I know some of you won’t like this nor agree. We have women that are still little girls, (technically) half assed raising children. There is an absence of communication in many homes. If a young lady is not taught how to be a woman or how to treat her man…how the hell is she going to figure it out?? I guess by trial and error, but this is part of our community being in turmoil. People always hollerin’ there are no fathers in the home blah, blah, blah & blah. Females face the same struggles, but our obstacles come in various forms.

If there were more mothers in our homes we would know how to cook, clean, parent, communicate, love, show affection and trust each other better. What young women often pick up from there mothers are negative traits that I won’t discuss right now. Unfortunately, I’m sure you can think of many examples. I feel that placing the blame on our men only is an issue. Many are raised by single women and when they mess up we come down hard on them.We complain about them going to more docile and submissive women whether they be of another ethnicity or not. We look down on other women for being caring to their man. Why shouldn’t we be good to a man if he is good to us?? These are more behaviors young ladies learn from older women in their family or hear from various people. In turn, when that woman grows up she has no clue how to treat a decent man. Women will say they want a good man, but are you a good woman? What are you bringing to the table….and I don’t mean financially.

Without a doubt raising a young man alone is a difficult task. In this situation women are still responsible for the upbringing of the child. If it goes left….it is the person’s fault that raised them. Although, it is not fair to say it is her fault all her own. It is a cycle! The Black family has been being torn apart for hundreds of years and it has not stopped. We need to be aware of this, see what is happening to us and our offspring and put in the work to build our families. No matter how daunting a task it may be. I don’t have all the answers, I figure that’s a start.


14 Comments Add yours

  1. Idle Muser says:

    Something I was completely unaware of. 😦
    Thanks for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment. Glad I could shed a lil light for you.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Idle Muser says:

        Yes, you did!😊

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Perkreations says:

    Thank you for the insight into another part of society. Living in Calgary, AB Canada can be a little white washed at times and I want to know about as many subculture as I can learn about. We all have so much to teach each other.
    The 3 F’s, wow so disheartening. I hope the world changes for the better soon.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I understand, I actually want to visit Canada soon. Maybe move there if I like it. Toronto possibly….we definitely have to learn and grow from each other!


      1. Perkreations says:

        Toronto is a great city. I’m sure you’ll enjoy iy😊

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Perkreations says:

    Sorry should not have said subcultures, just meant cultures

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Skatsz says:

    If you don’t preach! I’m so glad someone finally echoed my exact sentiments. We’re so concerned about the ‘fathers not being home’ but what about the half ass mothers too? I’ve always wondered how SOME Black dudes grow up to have so much disdain against black women & then I witnessed the toxic relationship between the single mother & her son that are often times the case but are never addressed in our society; which might be something we need to take a closer look at.

    Thanks so much for sharing. We gotta heal each other, that’s the only way xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Well, thank you for reading and understanding where I’m coming from!! I definitely feel you on the toxic relationship between mom & son. Everyone has to heal man. It’s too much strife and confusion amongst those you should call brother or sister.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Great post! I love Black men but also hate the way that they treat Black women. Not all but some men. Single parenthood is an epidemic in the Black community. I feel that Black men are all too willing to walk away from not only their women but also their seed. I was a teen mother and my child’s father was much older. Unfortunately, he left before the baby was born and did not reappear until 13 years later. He didn’t leave because he felt unappreciated or bashed, at the time I was young and completely gullible and thought the best of him. I’ve also seen the same abandonment occur too often with friends, associates and family members.

    No, we can’t place all the blame on Our men but we must hold them accountable for their BS and they should be at least a little understanding if we approach the relationship with slight hesitation.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey, thanks for reading and sharing with me! I definitely witnessed abandonment and disappearing acts with people I know. I have even witnessed men and women from two parent homes that have not done well as parents themselves. We all have to be understanding towards each other when approaching relationships. There are men that are broken, hurt, and have emotions they don’t often reveal. I guess what really gets me are the women who don’t do much and have everything to say about the men. I’m not a mother yet. I can only imagine being a single mother. I just hope we can mend each other and fix this epidemic.


  6. Nice Post! I guess the bottom line is hurt people hurt people, as a result the black male/female are in a constant state of blame game. I feel that there is an awakening though and hopefully that means that our generation will begin to raise our children to be the best version of the black community to date.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. kelley says:

    So true! Some people take a lifetime to reverse some of the negativity they experienced in adolescence.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Exactly Kelley! I’m trying to get it off me early.

      Liked by 1 person

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