Caught in the Cycle

There are times when I can’t differentiate my anxiety from my anger. I question if I am a mean person at my core and I know I am NOT. I often ponder on my interactions with people and various situations. I believe that most of my issues stem from anxiety. It took years for me to come to this conclusion. I assumed my thinking was always normal for the most part. I assumed my fears and worries were the same as everyone else. I believed that I reacted differently to certain things.

I can put up a good front for a while! Although, soon enough the anxiety, anger, and frustration seep through. I have a hard time figuring which one is which. I believe at my core the anxiety triggers the anger and frustration. It’s hard to be all wound up over everyday circumstances all the time. Your mind and body eventually get tired even if you haven’t done anything physical. It’s exhausting and not much fun.

 

imageI started coming to grips that my anxiety ultimately led to other emotions a little over a year ago. I was led to believe that I was always just “mean, evil, quiet, sensitive,etc”. I was told these things as a child and teen by many family members during this time.

I can understand the misinterpretation of my facial expressions, awkwardness /shyness that’s perceived to be stuck up by some. I can understand some may perceive me in various situations in different ways. I understand I do not always act as ‘normal’ as I’d like to. Whatever normal means for me. As I evolve I come to the conclusion that the anxiety is a force that I let conquer my mind and soul during weak times.

When I’m anxious it’s easy for me to sound upset with someone or actually get pissed with someone. Many times during peak anxiety times I my time can sound very offense without me realizing initially. Let’s just say this has caused strain on relationships and situations. Anxiety is something that can slightly change your personality when you are going through it. Well at least slightly for me. Anxiety has to be explored by the individual going through it. I believe that individual has to understand it…..understand themselves and defeat it…..maybe

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4 Comments Add yours

  1. Tareau Barron says:

    Gotta remember we are human and we have a right to feel this emotions. We also, as humans over analyze everything while dealing with those emotions. Of course I don’t know the meat and potatoes of emotions, just an outside looking in perspective

    Liked by 1 person

    1. True! Thanks for reading

      Like

  2. I admire your introspection. It takes a lot to be in touch with one’s own emotions and triggers. I think writing about it certainly helps as well.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Indeed. I think writing helps a lot!!

      Liked by 1 person

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